Related:

• Gregorian chants in background; serene voice:) Hello, Brother or Sister.
  You have reached the Cubicles of Curtis, Chris, and Jim....
• Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":) Hi, you've reached Hell.
  (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time....
• Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System. If you are trying to reach Heaven, please press 1.
  For Valhalla, press 2. For Hades, press 3. If you are trying to reach Nirvana, you're going about it all wrong, so *we* certainly can't help you....
• To scare off annoying liberals:) Hello, and thank you for calling the Bush in 50 Campaign.
  Your five dollar donation to get George Bush re-elected in all 50 states will automatically be charged to your phone bill....
• In Joe Friday voice:) This is Constable Augie of the Canadian Security and Intelligence Service.
  The phone line you have just dialed is currently under investigation on a warrant issued by the Attorney General of Canada....
• Hello! This is 1-800-PRESLEY. Yes! 1-800-PRESLEY!
  They say the King died 10 years ago, but we know he's still out there somewhere....
• Stoned, slow voice:) Hey brother, you have reached the Narcotics Information Hotline.
  None of us can answer the phone right now, 'cause we're trying to decide if it exists....
• Computer generated voices:) 1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.
  2: Yeah, nobody but us machines! 1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up!...
• Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment.
  If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you....