Related:

• LECTURER, n. One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear and his faith in your patience.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DENTIST, n. A prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BACK, n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• PROOF-READER, n. A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DUCK-BILL, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Coward, n.: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DRAMATIST, n. One who adapts plays from the French. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...