Related:

• Moishe Margolies, who weighed all of 105 pounds and stood an even five feet in his socks, was taking his first airplane trip.
  He took a seat next to a hulking bruiser of a man who happened to be the heavyweight champion of the world....
• The Hostess will seat you now.
• PESSIMIST: A man who spends all his time worrying about how he can keep the wolf from the door.
  OPTIMIST: A man who refuses to see the wolf until he seizes the seat of his pants....
• pessimist: A man who spends all his time worrying about how he can keep the wolf from the door.
  optimist: A man who refuses to see the wolf until he seizes the seat of his pants....
• No matter what seat you take in a movie theatre, the seat directly in front of you will soon be occupied by a six-foot tall woman with a beehive hairdo that scrapes the ceiling.
  When you move away from the Beehive Lady, you will find yourself sitting in front of a foul-smelling man who truly believes that he has a supporting role in the film....
• A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket.
  How old's your kid?" the conductor says, and the father says "He's four years old....
• When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in a movie theatre, he walked over and whispered, "I'm sorry, sir, but you're allowed only a single seat.
  The man moaned, but did not budge. "Sir," the user said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call a manager....
• Honest Ma, I got it from a toilet seat...
• On his way back from work, a driver came upon a horrible wreck in which one car looked exactly like his neighbor's.
  Stopping hurriedly on the side of the road, he ran toward the smoldering debris....