Related:

• Mathematicians are the least expensive researchers to support.
  All they need is pencils, paper, and a wastebasket -- and when they turn philosopher, they don't even need the wastebasket!...
• The other day I went out and bought a humidifier and a de-humidifier.
  I brought them home, put them in the bedroom, shut the door, and let them fight it out....
• If I throw a dog into a bag, is it a doggie bag?
• Hi! I can't answer the phone right now. Bob, that's my pet parakeet, just swallowed a cherry bomb.
  It wasn't lit, but I've got to get him to the bathroom....
• Krusty: [holding a gun] Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
  Apu: Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery....
• All the sex appeal of a wet paper bag.
• Couldn't think his way out of a paper bag.
• Well, I started to make a clock from one of those "build a working paper clock" books, but I got carried away.
  It's now a complete working paper Analytical Engine, and I run an 80386 simulator on that....
• Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. -- Lily Tomli