Related:

• If you can't laugh at yourself, make fun of other people. -- Bobby Slayto
• I'm on a plane and it hits me: When did it become a federal regulation that you have to have at least seven crying babies on every flight?
  I just want to know: Where are they going? Why are they on planes?...
• Those people who go to psychiatrists ought to have their heads examined!
• Marriage is not a man's idea. A woman must've thought of it.
  Years ago some guy said, "Let me get this straight, honey....
• Homer: The last bar in Springfield...if they don't let me in here, I'm going to have to quit drinking!
  Homer's liver: Yay! Homer: Shut up, liver!...
• Everybody ought to have a friend.
• Everybody ought to have a butler.
• Everyone ought to have a maid.