Related:

• Homer: Welcome to the Simpson residence or "casa de Simpson," as I call it.
  Grimes: Yeah, what did you want to see me about, Simpson?...
• bug n. An unwanted and unintended property of a program or piece of hardware, esp.
  one that causes it to malfunction. Antonym of feature....
• Astrology is] 100 percent hokum, Ted. As a matter of fact, the first edition of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, written in 1771 -- 1771!
  aid that this belief system is a subject long ago ridiculed and reviled....
• How many psychologists -- does it take to change a light bulb?
  How long have you been having this phantasy?...
• Los Angeles is a great place. Where else can you smell the air and see it coming at you at the same time?
  You want to see blue water you have to look in the toilet bowl. -- Jackie Gayle...
• You know you've been hacking too long when... ...you have a photo of your SO taped to the corner of your screen and you get comments from passers-by like "Hey, neat GIF", and "_How_ many colors?
• As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
  One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly useful and interesting, I just had to share it....
• Hindu to Christian: "How many *times* have you been born-again?
• Grandma: Homer, you grew up so handsome. Homer: Some people say I look like Dan Aykroyd.
  I can't believe you're here! Dad always told me you died while I was at the movies....