Related:

• The Army spent two billion dollars for flyswatters to send to Alaska.
  When the flyswatters got up there they found there wasn't no flies in Alaska....
• If your father told you he could determine the sex of a puppy by looking at the bottoms of its feet, he was lying.
• The other day [the President] said, I know you've had some rough time
  and I want to do something that will show the nation what faith that I have in you, in your maturity and sense of responsibility....
• What do you give a dead baby for xmas? A dead puppy.
• Hey, you know what'd cheer you up? You should get yourself a puppy.
  Amy "A puppy? Nibbler loved to eat puppies...." -Leela...
• And to think," murmured the rosy-glow-feeling adolescent to the girl with whom he had just scored, "that a few short years ago I thought happiness was a warm puppy".
• Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of situations.
  And I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news conference about it....
• hungry puppy n. Syn. slopsucker.
• Heavy petting leads to a happy puppy.