Related:

• A man who could make so vile a pun would not scruple to pick a pocket.
  -- John Dennis (1657-1734) -- The Gentleman's Magazine, Vol. li, Page 324...
• If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• INHERITANCE If you are expecting a large inheritance when your grandparents snuff it, have you considered investing it in the Custard Unit Trust?
  The Custard Unit Trust has the full endorsement of the author of Toxic Custard, and has a guaranteed return of 20%(*)....
• PLAYGIRL, Inc. Philadelphia, Pa. 19369 Dear Si
  Your name has been submitted to us with your photo....
• Johnson's Third Law: If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue which contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read.
  Corollary: All of your friends either missed it, lost it or threw it out....
• There are five things that women should never ask men, according to the April issue of Sassy magazine
  What are you thinking? Do you love me? Do I look fat?...
• Burns: [looking up from his magazine] Smithers, what's the meaning of this slacking off?
  Smithers: Uh, there's a bee in my eye, sir. Bu...
• Homer: [gasps] You mean I get five percent off on everything in the store just because I look like -- I mean, just because I _am_ Krusty the Klown?
  Apu: How could I charge full price to the man whose lust for filthy magazines kept me in business during that first shaky year?...
• Why buy Cologne when you can wipe a magazine on you.