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• INSTRUCTIONS 1. Take your new Toxic Custard out of the box, and check that all the parts are present.
  (Main heading, body, dividing hyphens, back-issues plug, signature) 2....
• RAFFLE A way to get you to spend $2 in the mistaken belief that you have a newt's chance in a grinder of winning a hamper/car/holiday.
  There's something just not quite right about the principle of making money for charities which involves giving away expensive prizes....
• KENNEL A place where sleeping dogs lie, shelter from rain, and chew on dubious bones dug up from other people's garden.
  Toxic Custard advice of the week is: Never steal anything from a Rottweiler's kennel....
• MEDICAL COLUMN Recent research into peoples fears has revealed a number of new phobia
  - Ticketphobia - the fear of losing your train-ticket when the ticket-inspectors get on - Humorphobia - fear of not being able to keep up with all the new articles in rec....
• DONATION Often promoted as the best way of getting rid of your money while feeling good about it, donation in fact has the opposite effect.
  The vast majority feel awkward as they hand over the money, clumsily trying to avoid the $...
• CUSTARD Custard is a warm, gooey yellowish substance commonly swallowed orally.
  The great Custic Civilisations of the upper Amazon are commonly credited with the invention and implementation of the first truly gooey custards....
• READERS DIGEST Ever wondered how effective those mailing campaigns are?
  Toxic Custard has obtained this internal Readers Digest report....
• TOXIC CUSTARD WORKSHOP FILES Fictional alleged humour written during the early-1990s by some deranged git in Australia.
  Now known to cause permanent brain damage if consumed for long periods of time....
• ZODIAC Twelve symbols based on constellations that someone probably saw through a very dodgy telescope, as they ain't up there now.
  The Zodiac has become the foundation for the income of astrologers, who fall into the Useless Portion of the Population, defined by Toxic Custard to include chain letter senders, ballet instructors, opera singers and arts students....