Related:

• CANNIBAL, n. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Eat that pork, eat that ham, laugh till you choke on Billy Graham Moses, Aaron and Abraham, they're all a waste of time!
  -- The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing, Frank Zappa...
• BONDSMAN, n. A fool who, having property of his own, undertakes to become responsible for that entrusted to another to a third.
  Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites, a dissolute nobleman, to a high office, asked him what security he would be able to give....
• ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
  Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry met to consider it....
• GOUT, n. A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• DIARY, n. A daily record of that part of one's life, which he can relate to himself without blushing.
  Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ All that he had of wisdom and of wit....
• You are not permitted to kill a woman who has wronged you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute.
  You are avenged fourteen hundred and forty times a day....
• INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.
  "All men are ingrates," sneered the cynic. "Nay," The good philanthropist replied...
• You may be redneck... if your idea of health food is pork rinds.