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• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Duncan [Phoebe's Husband]: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this.
  I'm straight. Phoebe: Huuh. Duncan: Yeah, I know, I....
• Two businessmen were having lunch and they started talking about world problems, high taxes, the cost of living, their families.
  And one of them says very proudly, "I have six boys....
• You know you are overweight when you get on a talking scales in the Mall and it says "One at a time, please.
• At about 2500 A.D., humankind discovers a computer problem that *must* be solved.
  The only difficulty is that the problem is NP complete and will take thousands of years even with the latest optical biologic technology available....
• One old lady turns to another: "Oooh, who did your hair?
  Who did your hair? My God, your hair looks like a wig!...
• An eighty-year-old woman is rocking away the afternoon on her porch when she sees an old, tarnished lamp sitting near the steps.
  She picks it up, rubs it gently, and lo and behold a genie appears!...
• Here's a letter from Mrs. Jerome Whatsis from West Jesus, North Dakota.
  She says, "Dear Sir: I don't know what I would do without satire....
• Two farmers were boasting about the strongest kind of wind they'd seen.
  "Out here in California," said one, "I've seen the fiercest wind in my life....