Related:

• Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls ... In our house, we have Alka-Seltzer on tap.
  If you cook like I do, the best thing I can tell you is not to be sensitive....
• We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the medical profession.
  -- George Bernard Shaw...
• We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
  -- Phyllis Dille...
• My God! Are we sure he was a liberal?" "Pretty sure.
  They pulled him from a Volvo." -- Doonesbury...
• My God! Are we sure he was a liberal?" "Pretty sure. They pulled him from a Volvo.
• We must be greater than God, for we have to undo His injustice.
• We now have to put a condom on our Macintosh...
• Chorus: Grandma got run over by a reindeer, Walking home from our house Christmas eve.
  You can say there's no such thing as Santa, But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!...
• Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Prese
  ) Good evening. I'm sorry, but Steve can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up....