Related:

• You know it's Monday when you wake up and it's Tuesday. -- Garfield
• If you have a weak candidate and a weak platform, wrap yourself up in the American flag and talk about the Constitution.
  -- Matthew S. Quay...
• Why be born again, when you can just grow up?
• If you don't drink, when you wake up in the morning that's the best you're gonna feel all day.
  -- Martin Mull...
• You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you wake up and your braces have locked together.
• You know it's going to be a rotten day when... you wake up face down on the pavement.
• You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when you wake up to discover your waterbed broke, then you remember that you don't have a waterbed.
• The Pledge of Allegiance says 'liberty and justice for all'.
  Which part of 'all' don't you understand? -- Rep. Pat Schroeder (D) Colo....