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• Why grab possessions like thieves, or divide them like socialists, when you can ignore them like wise men?
  -- Natalie Clifford Barney...
• You can eat a cucumber when YOU feel like it. -- Reasons why cucumbers are better than me
• Women's creed: Men are like linoleum. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk on them for 20 years.
• Children are like cats, they can tell when you don't like them.
  That's when they come over and violate your body space....
• If you don't like homosexuals, don't sleep with them.
• Barney: Don't blame yourself Homer. You've got yourself a bad hand.
  You've got crummy little kids that nobody can control....
• Arguing with a person's faith is like chasing them around a big empty parking lot.
  You can keep backing them up, and backing them up--but you never actually corner them....
• Chekov: "Why not simply waperize them?" Valeris: "Like this?
  At ease. As you know, Commander Chekov, no one can fire an unauthorized phaser aboard a starship....
• Why are men like commercials? You can't believe a word they say.