Related:

• You've reached the B&D Hotline. All our operators are tied up right now
  o if you leave a name, number, a list of transgressions, and bark like a dog, we'll get right back to you with your penance....
• Thank you for calling Robert's House of Love. All of our customer service representatives are, er.
  .. busy servicing customers, so at the sound of the erotic tone, leave your name, number, and a short description of whatever turns you on....
• Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now
  but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible....
• Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":) Hi, you've reached Hell.
  (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time....
• Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment.
  If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you....
• Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, all our assholes are busy.
  After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an asshole return your call as soon as possible....
• Thank you for phoning the Save the Sasquatch Hotline.
  Our operators do not exist at the moment, but if you wish to make a contribution, please leave your name, number, and the amount of your bequest at the sound of the beep, and something will get back to you shortly....
• Hello. All of our operators are busy right now, but if you'll leave your name, telephone number, a brief message, and the time you called, we'll get back to you as soon as possible.
  Thank you and have a pleasant day. (This can dissuade prank and sales callers who don't know it's really a private line....
• Demented, screechy voice; occasional background scream
  ) Hello. Thank you for calling Last Straw Chiropractic....