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• You know you're growing old when your knees buckle but your belt won't.
• You know how you tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.
  -- Red Skelto...
• You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.
• When the tide of life turns against you
• When I was a young newspaperman, an old, gray- haired sportswriter named Harry Grayson said to me
  Always remember: when you freeload, bitch. You maintain dignity." -- Ira Berkow...
• 0165 Do you know Gray code? -- from THE HACKER TEST
• When you are down and out, all too often the thing that turns up is the noses of your former friends.
• You know the honeymoon is over when you wife says she's going to slip into something a little more comfortable, and it turns out to be a twin bed!
• You know you're there when they steal your taglines.