Related:

• You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right?
  Please wait until I am wrong. -- John von Neumann, on being phoned at 10 a.m....
• Operator, please trace this call and tell me where I am.
• Have you ever been in a restaurant and there's a couple in the next booth being overly affectionate?
  They're necking and groping and you're trying to eat your eggs....
• Good morning. For those of you who don't know me, I am not Dr.
  X; I am Dr. X's representative on Earth....
• Take me as I am.
• I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. -- Steven Pearl
• I am an alcoholic, in case of an emergency, please buy me a beer.
• I am sick and depraved--please feed me drugs and cookies.
• Please bear with me. I am slightly shell shocked.