Related:

• I can feel for her because, although I have never been an Alaskan prostitute dancing on the bar in a spangled dre
  I still get very bored with washing and ironing and dishwashing and cooking day after relentless day....
• I was standing in the kitchen one day, fixing a sandwich or something, when suddenly I heard a very distinct "sneeze" emanate from the fridge.
  Naturally curious, I opened the door and scrutinized the various food items....
• I must say that I have a very good reason for bein' loaded tonight.
  I been drinkin' all day! -- Foster Brook...
• I was going to commit suicide the other day. I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.
  -- Steven Wrigh...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• My husband forgot my birthday and my anniversary. I didn't feel bad.
  On the contrary. Give me a guilty husband any day....
• Duncan [Phoebe's Husband]: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this.
  I'm straight. Phoebe: Huuh. Duncan: Yeah, I know, I....
• After half a day in a beauty salon, she still hasn't been worked on -- they're still busy giving her an estimate.