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• There's always one guy who tries to impress you with how big a joint he can roll.
  The guy takes the Sunday Times, drops a kilo brick in with the strings on it ....
• If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse-as when a man shoots himself.
• A woman went to the butcher's to buy some meat. So she bought some steak, a few pounds of hamburger, a few pounds of ribs, and a big roast, and then she says to the butcher, "Deliver it!
  The butcher says, "I can't deliver it, lady." She says, "What's the matter with you?...
• Lisa: Can I go downstairs and see what Dad's doing?
  Marge: I wouldn't bother him, honey. He's making some sort of model for a contest....
• A Chicago salesman was about to check into a St. Louis hotel when he noticed a very charming woman staring admiringly at him.
  He walked over and spoke with her for a few minutes, then returned to the front desk, where they checked in as Mr....
• Zweig: Er, Marge, this may not be the best time to bring this up, but, uh, your last check bounced.
  Marge: Wait, I'm remembering something. Zweig: Yes, Marge, there's still the matter of -- Marge...
• Grandma: A caller at this hour? [to Mr. VH] You dial 9-1, then when I say so, dial 1 again.
  [opens the door] [TM] Bart: [sees Milhouse, sighs with relief] Milhouse, please....
• I have a funny daddy Who goes in and out with me And everything that baby does Daddy's sure to see, And everything that baby says, My daddy's sure to tell.
  You _m_u_s_t have read my daddy's verse. I hope he fries in Hell. -- Ogden Nash...
• I have a funny daddy Who goes in and out with me And everything that baby does Daddy's sure to see, And everything that baby says, My daddy's sure to tell.
  You must have read my daddy's verse. I hope he fries in Hell. -- Odgen Nash (1902-1971)...