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• If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying.
  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did....
• If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying.
  And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "probably because of something you did....
• If a small child asks you where rain comes from, I think a reasonable response is simply that "God is crying.
  And, if he asks you why God is crying, the only possible answer is "Probably because of something you did....
• WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years.
  Struggle to become a parrot or something. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• A man was kneeling by a grave in a cemetery, crying and praying very loudly, "Oh why.
  .eeeee did you die...eeeeee, Oh Why..eeeeee, why did you Di....
• I WISH I HAD A KRYPTONITE CROSS, because then you could keep both Dracula and Superman away.
  -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988....
• ONE THING KIDS LIKE is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to a burned-out warehouse.
  Oh, oh," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke....
• I GUESS I KINDA LOST CONTROL because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire.
  No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to illustrate one of the human emotions which is freaking out....
• How to demoralize a Klingon - tell him he's cute.