Related:

• What to do in case of an alien attack: 1) Hide beneath the seat of your plane and look away.
  2) Avoid eye contact. 3) If there are no eyes, avoid all contact....
• You know you're in trouble when... (1) You've been at work for an hour before you notice that your skirt is caught in your pantyhose.
  (2) Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife. (3) Your income tax check bounces....
• Answers to Last Fortunes' Questions: 1) None. (Moses didn't have an ark).
  2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle. 3) You don't know....
• EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN 1.
  Share everything. 2. Play fair. 3....
• The three rules of international air travel: (1) Never fly on Aeroflot if you can possibly avoid it (this used to be Braniff or Aeroflot).
  (2) Never bet a whole lot of money on two little pairs unless you know *exactly* what you're doing....
• Rangnekar's Modified Rules Concerning Decisions 1) If you must make a decision, delay it.
  2) If you can authorize someone else to avoid a decision, do so....
• You know you're in trouble when... 1) You wake up face down on the pavement.
  2) Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache....
• Answers to Last Fortune's Questions: (1) None. (Moses didn't have an ark).
  (2) Your mother, by the pigeonhole principle. (3) I don't know....