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• My house is made out of balsa wood. When no one is home across the street, except the little kids, I go out and lift my house up over my head.
  I tell them to stay out of my yard or I'll throw it at them. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I brake for brick walls.
• I put hardwood floors on top of wall-to-wall carpet. -- Steven Wrigh
• Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach.
  ..it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say, "What are you doing here?...
• I was born by Caesarian section...but not so you'd notice.
  It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window. -- Steven Wrigh...
• I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building.
  ..I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet....
• I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep.
  Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don't know how....
• If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.
  On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is also a psychological interaction....
• If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction.
  On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is also a psychological interaction....