Related:

• HEALTH: Never go to the hospital or visit a doctor.
  If you have a stroke, keep drinking and act like you prefer to use only one side of your body....
• DIET: meat, cigarettes, meat, booze, meat, and coffee.
  In case of aneurysm or alcohol-induced coma, see "HEALTH....
• I think the death of macho is easily located on a very recent map.
  -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?...
• It's getting very bad, boys. We don't blow up trucks anymore.
  -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?...
• I have a few good reasons for drinking And one has just entered my head If a man can't drink when he's living How the hell can he drink when he's dead?
• Marge: I have something that I'd like to sell. Joh
  Please tell me it's your hair. Marge: [flattered, giggles] No....
• Symptom: Floor swaying. Fault: Excessive air turbulence, perhaps due to air-hockey game in progress.
  Action Required: Insert broom handle down back of jacket....
• Falling in Love When two people have been on enough dates, they generally fall in love.
  You can tell you're in love by the way you feel: your head becomes light, your heart leaps within you, you feel like you're walking on air, and the whole world seems like a wonderful and happy place....
• How many Pizza Hut employees -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Three-one to do it, one to hold the ladder, and one to tell the story about "last night....