Related:

• DRINKING: No falling down. No puking-unless to empty the stomach in order to continue drinking.
  No slurring of words. Tell a few war stories: "See that scar?...
• Most people think life sucks, and then you die. Not me.
  I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe ten million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for thirty- five years and you pay it back and then -- one day -- you have a massive stroke, your whole right side is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go into rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then -- one day -- you step off a curb at Sixty-seventh Street, and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die....
• FUCK You've just been waiting for this definition, haven't you.
  Here is how to use the word 'fuck' in almost any conversation....
• At the hospital, a doctor is training an intern on how to announce bad news to the patients.
  The doctor tells the intern "This man in 305 is going to die in six months....
• Burns: [looking up from his magazine] Smithers, what's the meaning of this slacking off?
  Smithers: Uh, there's a bee in my eye, sir. Bu...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• It's getting very bad, boys. We don't blow up trucks anymore.
  -- Denis Leary from "Are you Man enough?...
• DIET: meat, cigarettes, meat, booze, meat, and coffee.
  In case of aneurysm or alcohol-induced coma, see "HEALTH....
• 0395 Have you ever paged or swapped off a tape drive?
  0396 ... Off a card reader/punch? 0397 ... Off a teletype?...