Related:

• ERUDITION, n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
  So wide his erudition's mighty span, He knew Creation's origin and plan And only came by accident to grief -- He thought, poor man, 'twas right to be a thief....
• URBANITY, n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York.
  Its commonest expression is heard in the words, "I beg your pardon," and it is not consistent with disregard of the rights of others....
• KEEP, v.t. He willed away his whole estate, And then in death he fell asleep, Murmuring
  Well, at any rate, My name unblemished I shall keep....
• AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.
  Beside a lonely grave I stood -- With brambles 'twas encumbered...
• HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• RANK, n. Relative elevation in the scale of human worth.
  He held at court a rank so high That other noblemen asked why....