Related:

• Smithers: [chuckles] Perfect. When I give the signal, you transfer the call to Mr.
  Burns. After she tears into him I'll rush in and save the day....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Lisa: Look, we got a package from the Mr. Sparkle company in Japan.
  Homer: Ooh! [opens package, but only Styrofoam packing peanuts spill out....
• Eva Goss was a woman given to uncanny intuitions. It was her contention, often expressed to Mr.
  Goss, that the female of the species had an occult sixth sense which a mere male did not possess....
• A little woman fell in love with a man 90 years old--until she made a date with him.
  She goes out with him that night, and a friend says the next morning, "How did you like him?...
• Milhouse: [whining] Mom, don't make me do this. I don't want to be an actor.
  Mrs. VH: Nonsense. You're going to be great. Now take off those glasses so they can see your beautiful eyes....
• Homer: I _do_ have a story about two other young marrieds.
  .. [everyone turns back and sits down] Now, the wife of this couple has an interesting quirk in the bedroom....
• Do you know why the fairy sits at the top of the Xmas tree ?
  One year, Santa had one tree left over after giving everybody one, and when one of his fairy helpers asked what she should do with it, he told her....
• Lisa: They don't like being broken up. Marge: We've got to be realistic, kids.
  Who's going to have a big enough heart to take care of 25 puppies?...