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• Nothing in life is "fun for the whole family." -- Jerry Seinfeld
• Has any turtle ever outlived a shaker of turtle food? -- Jerry Seinfeld
• It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
  -- Jerry Seinfeld...
• Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not the color, but to accept God's final decision on where your lips end.
  -- Jerry Seinfeld...
• A date is a job interview that lasts all night. The only difference between a date and a job interview is that there are not many job interviews where there's a chance you'll end up naked at the end of it.
  -- Jerry Seinfeld...
• Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
  -- Jerry Seinfeld, "SeinLanguage...
• IBM: Icons Bygones My Mom'
• I went to a wedding ... I couldn't believe the groom was married in rented shoes.
  You're making a commitment for a lifetime and your shoes have to be back by five-thirty....
• I'm glad my Mom was pro-life.