Related:

• You heard me. I won't be in for the rest of the week .
  .. I told you. My baby beat me up ... Oh, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up....
• Smithers: John! John: Uhh, oh, Waylon! I'd like you to meet the Simpsons!
  Smithers: I know the Simpsons. [sotto voce] So this is your sick mother?...
• Homer: Let me set the scene for you, Marge. Marge: All right.
  Homer: It's a 7-10 split. Marge: Uh huh? Homer: The hardest shot in bowling....
• Kearney: I'm here about the nanny job. I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids and if they get out of line [smacks fist in palm] -- Pow!
  Homer: I like him. Kearney: Thanks. Hey, where do you keep the liquor?...
• Marge: But on the other hand, when you don't take advantage of an opportunity, you can end up regretting it for the rest of your life.
  Homer: You're right, Marge. Just like the time I could have met Mr....
• Marge: Lisa needs to go to the museum tomorrow, and I think you should take her.
  Homer: Museum? Tomorrow? Oh, oh, Marge, I'd love to, but I was planning on....
• Homer: Give me some quarters... I'm doing my laundry.
  Clerk: Yeah, right. [gives him the quarters] Home...
• HAGGIS A Scottish dish made of the heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep, chopped up with suet, onions, oatmeal etc, seasoned and boiled in a sheep's stomach-bag or substitute.
  I think I'm going to be sick. Have you ever considered the argument that vomit is a lifeform in itself, subject to the same foibles as the rest of lifekind?...
• You know, some of these stories are pretty good. I never knew mice lived such interesting lives.
  -- Homer watches Itchy and Scratchy, "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge...