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• Bart: I demand a recount! Ms. K: [counts the votes] One for Martin.
  Two for Martin. Would you like another recount?...
• Skinner: Um, ladies and gentlemen, the unthinkable has happened.
  Some sick, twisted individual has stolen every teacher's edition in this school....
• Martin: So the next time you use a gas chromatograph, remember to thank Mr.
  A. J. P. Martin. Ms. K: [applauding] Oh, brilliant, Martin, brilliant!...
• I'll be frank with you Lisa, and when I say frank, I mean, you know, devastating.
  -- Instructor at music school, "Separate Vocatio...
• Mrs. K: Sodium tetrasulfate is highly toxic, and can remove your skin.
  [pours into a beaker] Say when... [chuckles] Marti...
• First question. If I could be any animal, I would be (a) a carpenter ant, (b) a nurse shark, or (c) a lawyer bird.
  -- Ms....
• Edna: And now, Principal Skinner will tell us where we'll be going on this year's field trip.
  Skinner: Thank you, Edna, everyone. [clears throat] Now, class, I wonder who among you can tell me what this is?...
• Perplexity - I know f%*k all about it. -- The everyday versatility of the "F" word
• Ms.H: Lisa, what nineteenth-century figure was named `Old Hickory'?
  Lisa: I don't know. You? [snickers from the class] Ms....