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• Jay: Welcome to "Coming Attractions". I'm your host, Jay Sherman, thank you.
  Tonight, we review an aging Charles Bronson in "Death Wish 9"....
• Bart: Hey, McBain, I'm a big fan, but your last movie really sucked.
  McBain: I know. There were script problems from day one....
• Parker: Okay, then get this: I think they want you to play McBain's sidekick in.
  .. brace yourself, the new McBain movie! Troy: McBain's sidekick?...
• Bart: [sleepy] Hello? Bruno: Right! I'm calling all the way from Squatter's Crog, Australia and I want to speak to, er, Dr.
  Bart Simpson right now. Bart: Uh...[plugs nose] hold, please....
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Blackheart: Mr. Simpson, I think you'll find this amount more than fair.
  Lisa: Dad, I think he's an ivory dealer! His boots are ivory, his hat is ivory, and I'm pretty sure that check is ivory....
• Buffer: Celebrities at ringside tonight: Star of the McBain action films, and feature player in the Hollywood prostitution scandal
  Rainer-r-r Wolfcastle! [applause] TV anchorman and Springfield institution, Mr....
• Dick: Well, my time's almost up here, so, uh, I'd just like to say.
  ..I know Woody Allen. [a couple of people clap halfheartedly] Home...
• Announcer: Welcome back to "Before They Were Famous.
  We all know Rainier Wolfcastle as the star of the blockbuster "McBain" movies, but here's his first appearance in a commercial in his native Austria....