There once was a man with a bald head and a pegleg who was in need
of a kickin' Halloween costume. So he wrote to a costume company, who
promptly sent him a bandana and a hook so he could be a pirate.

Outraged that they were making fun of his pegleg, he fired off a
complaint letter. In order to please him, the costume company sent him
a monk's costume saying that it would be perfect for his bald head.

Now outraged that they were making fun of his bald head, the man sent
another angry letter. Soon after, another package arrived in the mail
-- a package of caramel. Attached was a note:

"Stick the pegleg up your ass, dip your head in caramel, and go as a
caramel apple."