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• Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
  Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets....
• Answering machines. Nowadays almost everyone has one, complete with a snappymessage of their own device.
  Wait for the beep and then read on. This is a short adaptation of Simon Butler-White's and Clive Archer's "could-be" phone messages released in Australian Cleo, August 1989....
• Hi, this is John's answering machine. He's not here, but I'm open to suggestions.
• Hello, this is John's refrigerator, his answering machine's not working right now, so leave a name and number and we'll get back to you.
  (uses a back-woods slow drawl type voice)...
• Voice Mail My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
  A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• (Klingon voice:) ANSWERING MACHINE. SPEAK.
• Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done .
  ... {Cachunk!}...
• Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done.
  .. (Cachunk!)...