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Your Baseball Team Isn't Doing Well 15> Your Owner Is Named Marge And It Appears There *is* A God.
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Your Baseball Team Isn't Doing Well
15> Your owner is named Marge and it appears there *is* a God.
14> Your team is a mile high and it's *not* the Rockies.
13> The only "team effort" being put forth is when players help
each other button their shirts over their beer guts.
12> Eccentric owner traded entire pitching staff for Mickey
Mantle rookie card.
11> Controversy over hitting with the skinny end of the bat vs.
the thick end of the bat still raging.
10> Infield continues to perform 7th-inning stretch "YMCA" all
the way through ninth inning.
9> Your TV games get outdrawn by "A Milli Vanilli Christmas,"
and it's still July.
8> Tatum O'Neal's arm is shot, Coach Buttermaker is passed out
drunk in the dugout, and Daryl Strawberry is... well, he's
Daryl Strawberry.
7> Billy Ray Cyrus has had more hits than your entire outfield.
6> You accidentally signed your 4-million dollar Japanese pitcher
without seeing him throw one ball.
5> Your pre-season strategy: Tighter uniforms!
4> Catcher afraid to look up after Harry Carey's had his third
beer.
3> Batting Coach Miyagi's unorthodox one-legged "Crane Stance"
proves somewhat ineffective against Randy Johnson's 100 MPH
fastball.
2> Your star hitter's been choking up on his bat too much, if
you know what I mean.
and the Number 1 Reason Your Baseball Team Isn't Doing Well...
1> Fans bring scissors and duct tape on "big foam finger day."
This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc.
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com
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