Dateline: 2000
NEWS ANCHOR DESK DATELINE: 2000
Evening News Headlines January 1, 2000 Anchor Desk Copy
Good Evening, And Welcome To The Microsoft Evening New
Evening News Headlines January 1, 2000 Anchor desk copy
Good evening, and welcome to the Microsoft Evening News:
President-elect Bill Gates was under fire again today for alleged
tampering with Internet ballots. Gates issued a brief (59K)
statement, noting that a bug was found in ballot versions 3.0 and
lower, causing all votes for his opponent to be counted for him.
Microsoft is working on the problem, and should be issuing Microsoft
Ballot 4.0 in time for the next election. Vice-president Michael
Jordan, coming off a 28-point performance against the Knicks last
night, had no comment.
In Los Angeles, O.J. Simpson's 10th civil trial began today, with
Judge Judy presiding. In related news, Simpson has filed suit against
Bruno Maglie, and Maglie is suing Simpson. Representing Simpson is
attorney and former Baywatch star Pamela Lee Anderson Simpson.
American tobacco giant R.J. Reynolds has done the unthinkable,
releasing a report today admitting that cigarette smoke "doesn't
smell that good." The American Cancer Society issued a terse
response, claiming 'We give up, people are idiots.'
In entertainment news, The Artist Formerly Known As The Artist
Formerly Known As Prince now wants to be known as Andy. Early this
morning and just after completing his performance last night in Times
Square, Andy commented on the millennium date controversy. "Now that
we've just party'd because it was 1999, I'm going to sleep like it
was the day after. Who says the new millennium isn't really until
2001? No one asked me!"
In economic news, The Dow Jones closed up 7001 points today to a new
record high of 32000. The Federal Reserve Board has declared all
paper money worthless as of today. Microsoft closed up an eighth.
The weather forecast for New York and the rest of the East Coast--a
gorgeous winter day, with highs approaching 97 near the beaches,
dropping to a low of 95 tonight.
Finally, in the landmark censorship case "U.S. vs. Howard Stern" the
Supreme Court today ruled 10-2 that people should turn off the radio
if they are offended by what they hear. It is unclear what this will
mean for the Internet.
That's the news, and don't forget, coming up next on SNBCCBSABCFOX,
the hilarious new CyberTeleSatelitteDVD-ROM sitcom "Mad About Friends
Being Married With Children Named Seinfeld In The NYPD Blue-Files"
The show is now also available on Nintendo 256 with the Oprah AI
feature, and MicroIntelSoft's Mmmm Good Inside Hot Pocket Portable.
Don't take life too seriously... it's not permanent
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
