10. Shouting, "I'm going to buy Disneyworld!"
9. Jell-o shots with Ricki Lake.
8. Starring in new Broadway musical: "Oprah-Homa!" *
7. Surprise appearance on Jerry Springer to beat the crap out of
a Holstein.
6. Losing another 200 pounds by dumping that deadbeat Steadman.
5. Tipping each juror a crisp new billion-dollar bill.
4. Taping new episode entitled, "Eating Pork Will Make You Gay."
3. All-night bender with Canadian snowboarding team.
2. "Oprah's Book Club" presents: "Kiss My Butt, You Texas Beef
Monkeys."
1. Did somebody say McDonald's?
