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• She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
  He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?...
• Editors Note: Here it is folks, the oneliner file.
  Over the past year, I have received several short submissions that were mildly funny, but not quite good enough or topical enough to merit their own posting....
• Punny 1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
  2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor....
• five strange ones The following just goes to show what can happen when you have too much time on your hands.
  #1 There were two cows sitting in a field. The first cow says to the other, "Hey, did you hear about that Mad Cow Disease?...
• Remember: Don't send to me and rec.humor at the same time.
  Try to wait. From werner Wed Jul 13 14:06:34 1988 Flag...
• 100 reasons why it's great to be a girl 1. free dinners 2.
  free lunches 3. free brunches 4. free movies (you get the point) 5....
• AS A MATTER OF FACT IT WAS BENCHLEY. PARKER'S OTHER CLASSIC LINE HAD TO DO WHEN SHE AND A YOUNG ACTRESS ARRIVED AT A HOTEL DOOR AT THE SAME TIME.
  THE ACTRESS HELD THE DOOR OPEN FOR DOROTHY SAYING AGE BEFORE BEAUTY , PARKER WENT THROUGH THE DOOR SAYING JUST LOUD ENOUGH FOR OTJERS TO HEAR " AND PEARLS BEFORE SWINE....
• Sir, I admit your general rule, That every poet is a fool.
  But you yourself may serve to show it, Every fool is not a poet....
• Let's say you were trapped inside this room. Inside this room were 2 doors, and 2 caged talking - tigers.
  One of the doors was an exit into the paradise. The other was an exit into a bottomless pit- (In other words, if you opened this door, you'd fall until your insides get ripped apart by the G-forces- actually you'd still fall- Anyway....