New Computer Viruses
1. Ellen Degeneres virus...........Your IBM suddenly claims it's a MAC
2. Monica Lewinsky virus.........Sucks all the memory out of your computer
3. Titanic virus......................Makes your whole computer go down
4. Disney virus......................Everything in the computer goes Goofy
5. Mike Tyson virus................Quits after one byte
6. Prozac virus......................Screws up your RAM but your processor
doesn't care
7. Sharon Stone virus..............Makes a huge initial impact, then you
forget it's there.
8. Lorena Bobbit virus.............Turns your hard disk into a floppy
9. Tim Allen virus..................Appears helpful, only to destroy your
hard drive upon contact
10. Woody Allen virus.............Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a
daughter card
11. Saddam Hussein virus.........Won't let Jews into any of their programs
12. Tonya Harding virus...........Turns your BAT files into lethal weapons
13. George Michaels virus.........Runs its course, occasionally releasing
excess data buildup
14. Joey Buttafuoco virus..........Only attacks minor files
15. X-files virus.....................All your Icons start shape shifting
16. Spice Girl virus.................Has no real function, but makes a
pretty desktop
17. Ronald Reagan virus...........Saves your data, but forgets where it is
stored
18. Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus......Searches your hard drive for old files and
deletes them
19. Sony Bono virus................Just when you get surfing the Web, a
firewall appears out of no where
20. Martha Stewart virus...........Takes all your files, sorts them by
category, folds them into cute little doilies to be displayed on your
desktop
21. Oprah Winfrey virus...........Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to
80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus.....Terminates and stays resident. But it will
be back
Is Windows a virus?
No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do
They replicate quickly Okay, Windows does that
Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they
do so okay, Windows does that
Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk Okay, Windows does
that, too
Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable
programs and systems Sigh....
