Not so famous quotes
Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet.
--Robin Williams
Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself.
--Roseanne
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
--Billy Crystal
I just broke up with someone and the last thing she said to me was, "You'll
never find anyone like me again!" I'm thinking, "I should hope not! If I
don't want you, why would I want someone like you?"
--Larry Miller
You can say any foolish things to a dog, and the dog will give you this look
that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"
--Dave Barry
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
--Jay Leno
I am not the boss of my house. I don't know when I lost it. I don't know if
I ever had it. But I have seen the boss's job and I do not want it.
--Bill Cosby
In the last couple of weeks I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that
really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's
breasts?
--Jay Leno
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines.
They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the
general has to do is walk over to the women and say, "You see the enemy over
there? They say you look fat in those uniforms."
--Elayne Boosler
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose
your rest home.
--Phyllis Diller
There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having
allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So
what's the problem?
--Jay Leno
The post office says they're raising the price of stamps by one cent because
they need to upgrade their equipment. Apparently, they're going from
semi-automatics to Uzi's.
--Conan O'Brien
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think
there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I
know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfield
A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day
just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the
morning: We're government workers!
--Jay Leno
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug.
Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor.
I told him he was grounded.
--Tim Allen
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
--George Carlin
That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the
Vatican has overlooked.
--Bill Cosby
I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
--Zsa Zsa Gabor
When I was in Boy Scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little
old lady had to help me across the street.
--Steven Wright
After making love I said to my girl, "Was it good for you too?" And she
said, "I don't think this was good for anybody."
--Gary Shandling
The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job.
But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of
the night, drop them off at the wrong house.
--Jeff Foxworthy
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
