THE MAMMOGRAM
This is an X-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say
the word breast.
Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely
agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts, however, pretty much hang
around doing nothing in particular, so they're woefully unprepared.
BUT you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple
exercises.
EXERCISE 1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts
(either will do) between the two bookends and smash the bookends together as
hard as you can. Repeat three times daily.
EXERCISE 2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breasts
into the machine and start cranking. Repeat three times daily.
EXERCISE 3. (ADVANCED) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the
garage floor. Place one breast snugly behind the rear tire of the family
van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse.
Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other.
