As The Following Classified Classics Will Demonstrate, There Are Often More Laughs On The Advertising And Classified Pages Than You Can Find In The Cartoons And Comic Strip

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As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often
more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find
in the cartoons and comic strips:
-Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.
-A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by
waitresses in appetizing forms.
-Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
-For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and
large drawers.
-For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie
chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
-Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
-Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
take home, too.
-Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.
-Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.
-We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
-No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it
really repellent.
-For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
-For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.
-Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh
vagetables, salads, quiche.
-7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered
with golden fried onion rings.
-Great Dames for sale.
-Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
-Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
-20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges,
the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.
-Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
-Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.
-If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis
Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and
Chopin.
-Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim
in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.
-The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other
athletic facilities.
-Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
-Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically burns toast.
-Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots
of women wear nothing else.
-Stock up and save. Limit: one.
-Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
-We build bodies that last a lifetime.
-Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last .
-This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes
and Gardens.
-For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
-For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
-Man, honest. Will take anything.
-Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References
required.
-Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
-Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
-Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
-Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
-Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.
-Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
-Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
-3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.
-Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and
smacks included.
-Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
-Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never go anywhere again.
-See ladies blouses. 50% off!
-Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.
-Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business,
and be willing to get hands dirty.
-Illiterate? Write today for free help.
-Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
and salary.
-Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume
general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth
of family.
-Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient beating.
-Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.
-Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
-And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
unrivaled inconvenience.
-We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

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