HOW TO IDENTIFY WHERE A DRIVER IS FROM
* One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: Chicago
* One hand on wheel, one finger out window: New York
* One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:
Boston
* One hand on wheel, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator: California.
With gun in lap: L.A.
* Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror:
Ohio, but driving in California.
* Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat: Italy
* One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake,
mind on game: Seattle
* One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both
feet being on the accelerator and both on the brake, throwing a McDonalds
bag out the window: Texas city male
* One hand on wheel, one hand hanging out the window, keeping speed steadily
at 70mph, driving down the center of the road unless coming around a blind
curve, in which case they are on the left side of the road: Texas country
male
* One hand constantly refocusing the rear-view mirror to show different
angles of the BIG hair, one hand going between mousse, brush, and rat-tail
to keep the helmet hair going, both feet on the accelerator, poodle steering
the car, chrome .38 revolver with mother of pearl inlaid handle in the glove
compartment: Texas female
* Both hands on steering wheel in a relaxed posture, eyes constantly
checking the rear-view mirror to watch for visible emissions from their own
or another's car: Colorado
* One hand on steering wheel, yelling obscenities, the other hand waving gun
out the window and firing repeatedly, keeping a careful eye out for
landmarks along the way so as to be able to come back and pick up any
bullets that didn't hit other motorists so as not to litter: Colorado
resident on spotting a car with Texas plate.
* Four wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans
on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: West Virginia male.
* Junker, driven by someone who previously had a nice car and who is now
wearing a barrel: Las Vegas
* Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level,
driving 35 on the interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:
Florida "seasoned citizen" driver, also known as "no-see-um" (or could it be
Marge Simpson?)
* Two hands on the wheel, driving forty-five in a seventy mph zone in the
left lane, with the left turn signal on, and making a right turn: New Mexico
resident (as anyone who has ever driven through this lovely state can
attest)
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
