What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brain surgery (sic) on a blonde?
"Space. The final frontier."
Locked: 50 yards to the next outhouse
- written by Kenny du Witt
illustrated by Betty Kent
"Toll's Toy" by Warren Pees
Not Welcome - written by Isadore O'Penn
illustrated by Doris Locht
Trail in the sand by Peter Draggon
The open kimono by Seemore Hair
Despite the fanfare of yesterday's new technology announcement, ButtPrint
Technologies must now regretfully inform our customers of an unforeseen
security vulnerability in our ButtPrint I Computer User Authorization
System, and ButtPrint II Coinless Pay Toilet.
I. Description
A security vulnerability exists in ButtPrint authorization systems
that can be used to gain other users' privileges. The vulnerability
is present in market areas with wide availability of identical mass
produced designer blue jeans, etc.
II. Impact
ButtPrint I: Any user can gain system administrator privileges.
ButtPrint II: Any user can obtain washroom privileges without charge.
III. Solution
Require user to disrobe authorization surface area before beginning
authorization sequence.
ButtPrint Technologies wishes to acknowledge that the above solution will
be difficult for our ButtPrint I customers to implement at the present time
due to social factors in many market regions concerning proper behavior in
the workplace. Though the ButtPrint II would appear on the surface to
naturally present less of a problem, we recognize that today's corporations
may find it non productive in terms of public relations to implement video
cameras in the more sensitive portions of washrooms that would be necessary
to ensure 100% prevention of authorization misuse. Therefore we must
regretfully announce the discontinuation of the ButtPrint I and II.
As an afterthought, ButtPrint would like to point out that the root cause
of ButtPrint's short lifespan in the marketplace is governments that place
a lower priority on computer security and allowing small technology
companies to gain a foothold in the market, such as ButtPrint, and a higher
priority on allowing unrestricted availability of cheap identical mass
produced designer blue jeans, at the expense of startup technology
companies that could keep that country ahead of competition from abroad.
Free Nelson Mandela... in every box of cornflakes.
Black Power... it's cheaper than electricity.
Q: Why do cats raise their tails when you stroke their backs?
A: To let you know you've reached the end of the cat.
Q: How many system administrators does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, just remove the rights of everybody allowed to go into the room.
Q: How many users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, to whine at the sysadmin in unison.
Related:
Despite the fanfare of yesterday's new technology announceme ButtPrint
Technologies must now regretfully inform our customers of an unforeseen
security vulnerability in our ButtPrint I Computer User Authorization
System, and ButtPrint II Coinless Pay Toilet....
Congratulations on your purchase of a CAT Unit!
This model contains the following feature
* User Friendly
* Mouse Driven
* Self Cleaning
* Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
* Self Portable Operation
* Dual Video and Audio Input
* Audio Output
* Auto Search Routines for Input Data
* Auto Search for Output Bin
* Instant Transition (2 nanoseconds) Between Standby and Full Power Mode
Production Detail...
