Related:

• Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now
  o after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following word...
• Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline. Father Durway's not here right now
  but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• Hello, epicenter of the Universe, God speaking. If you leave your name, number, and prayer after the tone, I will call you back as soon as I can.
  Please note that I answer all prayers, but sometimes the answer is NO....
• In Japan, the hand can be used like a knife. [sound effec
  Heeeeee-YAH!, smashing box of kleenex] But this method doesn't work with a telephone call....
• Hi, you have reached .... Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call".
• When I was taking a 300 level computer science class in college there was a girl in the class that was a good friend of mine
  he was one of those people that was accademiclly briliant with zero common scence....
• US Army Official Voice Mail Message Thank you for calling the United States Army.
  I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged....