Related:

• I hate these machines, as much as you. But try as we might, the cats just won't do.
  The scratches they cause, Holding the phone with their paws, Only leave us feeling lonely and blue....
• The message I currently have on my recorder is the output from my Amiga's speech sythesizer.
  It's set up as a dialog between two distict, but recognizably artificial voices....
• The Canonical List of Telephone Answering Machine Messages "Hi!
  I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• LIFE IN THE SLAW LANE by Kip Adotta It was Cucumber the Fi
  Summer was over. I had just spinached a long day and I was busheled....
• Answering machines. Nowadays almost everyone has one, complete with a snappymessage of their own device.
  Wait for the beep and then read on. This is a short adaptation of Simon Butler-White's and Clive Archer's "could-be" phone messages released in Australian Cleo, August 1989....
• Hi, you have reached .... Please leave your name, phone number and a message and if we like it we will return your call".
• You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
  .... %end of list------------- Female to guy: Hi, you look like a real wanker....
• When I was taking a 300 level computer science class in college there was a girl in the class that was a good friend of mine
  he was one of those people that was accademiclly briliant with zero common scence....