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• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• The Pope... When the pope last visited the U.S., he was in a hurry to get from one event to the next.
  He hopped in the back seat of his limosine, and asked the driver to step on it....
• Appearances... A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding.
  As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car....
• PATCHWORK Two drunks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer.
  All of a sudden the driver noticed lights flashing in his mirro...
• A man was very shy, and couldn't speak to more than two people at a time without getting nervous.
  His boss and wife both suggested that he take an Andrew Carnegie course....
• Yugo A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.
  The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, buddy, that's a nice car....
• I was driving through North Wales one day last summer, when I had the misfortune to run out of petrol right out in the sticks.
  It was about 5 miles to the nearest house, but when I got there the farmer who lived in it was very hospitable and offered to drive me back to my car with a can of petrol, as long as I stayed to have a bite to eat first....
• LOUISIANA DWI A young man was pulled over by the Louisiana state police for speeding.
  The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window....
• Mommy Mommy, Can I play with Grandma? Shut up kid, You've already dug her up 3 times today!
  Little Boy Blue, come blow your horn. The sheeps in the meadow, the cows in the corn....