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• A leper walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender glanced over and promptly tossed cookies all over himself and the floor.
  The leper looked hurt and said, "Hey, I know I'm not exactly handsome, but I do have feelings and you could be a little sensitive about them....
• A slightly drunk man walked into a bar, went up to the bartender, and said, "I'll bet you $
  50 I can bite my right eye!" Noticing the man had had a few to drink, the bartender took him up on it....
• Punny 1. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank-proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.
  2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• One Liners If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer....
• Have One On Me! A drunk walks into a bar full of customers and slurs to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill.
  So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $...
• 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate 1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat.
  Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in....
• You Think You're Having A Bad Day... There's a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink.
  He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down....
• Three guys - a Frenchman, a German and a Polack, were sitting in a bar.
  In walked a mean looking black guy looking for a fight....