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• One day when Ernie was about six, before he learned about being dirty, he was pestering his mom while she tried to do the housework.
  She said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch them building the new apartments?...
• Dirty Ernie got a duck for his birthday. He took it for walks every day and enjoyed having a pet.
  One day, Sleezy Suzy saw him walking the duck, and said, "Hey, I like your duck....
• Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father, Dirty Ernie senior, met for lunch.
  Well son," asked Ernie senior, "How is married life treating you?...
• One day a grade school teacher asked her students what their parents did for a living.
  Tim," she said, "What does your mother do all day?...
• One day Dirty Ernie is playing with his train set. The little train came around to the little station and stopped.
  So Ernie said, "All the people getting off the train, get off the fucking trai...
• Dirty Ernie was sitting in school, in Oklahoma, on a reservation.
  It was the last day of school. The teacher said, "I will ask questions, and when you give me the right answer you can go home for the summer....
• Teacher: Ernest! Why are you late to class again?
  Dirty Ernie: Sorry Miss, I've been down at the creek sticking cherry bombs up frogs' asses ....
• Dirty Ernie: "Mom, I didn't know you could take apart a nurse.
  Mom: "What do you mean?" Dirty Ernie: "I heard dad telling Mr....
• One day, a teacher was testing the students' intelligence.
  Okay class, I have something behind my back which is rectangular, small and black....