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• One day when Ernie was about six, before he learned about being dirty, he was pestering his mom while she tried to do the housework.
  She said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch them building the new apartments?...
• Dirty Ernie got a duck for his birthday. He took it for walks every day and enjoyed having a pet.
  One day, Sleezy Suzy saw him walking the duck, and said, "Hey, I like your duck....
• One day Dirty Ernie is playing with his train set. The little train came around to the little station and stopped.
  So Ernie said, "All the people getting off the train, get off the fucking trai...
• Dirty Ernie had been picking up some bad language by hanging out at the construction site down the street.
  His mother was very upset by this and asked Ernie Senior to reprimand him....
• Not long after his marriage, Ernie Junior and his father, Dirty Ernie senior, met for lunch.
  Well son," asked Ernie senior, "How is married life treating you?...
• Teacher: Ernest! Why are you late to class again?
  Dirty Ernie: Sorry Miss, I've been down at the creek sticking cherry bombs up frogs' asses ....
• One day Miss Smith told her class, "Today we're going to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence.
  Nancy?" Nancy said, "The sky is definitely blue." Miss Smith corrected her, "No - sometimes it's overcast and the sky is gray....
• One day, a teacher was testing the students' intelligence.
  Okay class, I have something behind my back which is rectangular, small and black....
• Dirty Ernie was sitting in school, in Oklahoma, on a reservation.
  It was the last day of school. The teacher said, "I will ask questions, and when you give me the right answer you can go home for the summer....