Related:

• All cars might have to have air bags or automatic safety harnesses by 1990 under new federal rules.
  We still think an easier answer would be to make cars out of Nerf....
• We'll install an air bag in our car, but only if automatic seat belts are required on all congressional seats.
• Wary Klink Live-Pillory Clinton Wary: "Hello, welcome to Wary Klink Live.
  Tonight's guests will be First Lady elect Pillory Clinton....
• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• There was this guy who won the lottery. He immediately calls his wife and says to her, "Honey, I won the lottery, pack your bags.
  And she says, "Well, we only have one suitcase." And he says, "No, just pack your bags,I want you gone when I get home!...
• What's the difference between a banjo and a(n)... Chain Saw
  ( 1.) a chain saw has a dynamic range. ( 2.) you can turn a chain saw off....
• W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l
  < -if you have to ask get out of the way- Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
• We have a new Miss America, though she'll get to serve barely a month.
  Uh, let us rephrase that......
• Open letter to the Sheriff Dear Sheriff Golman, I just wanted to take a few minutes to tell you what a wonderful time my family and I had at the recent Sheriffs Auction and Evidence Sale.
  I really don't understand how you people can possibly sell such great articles at the prices you were asking....