Related:

• How about that footage on the news yesterday of our new Commander-in- Chief on the deck of the aircraft carrier (Teddy Roosevelt?
  ).. After throwing one of his snappy salutes (he's *almost* got that down), I half expected him to give the order, "Let's turn this thang around....
• Mr. Mondale says he'd raise taxes if elected and says Mr.
  Reagan will too. If he's going to base this campaign on truth and candor he's got even less chance than we thought....
• Gary Hart won 28 primaries or caucuses, compared with 24 for Fritz Mondale, it turned out.
  It reinforces our belief that the Democrats should nominate Uncommitted....
• Mrs. Jones goes to see her obstetrician, Dr. Smith.
  She says, "Dr. Smith, I'm pregnant again. I need a hearing aid....
• The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
  Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
• Our friend Orly says he figures Mr. Mondale put Ms.
  Ferraro on the ticket just to help him skirt more issues....
• A poll shows most folks think Mr. Mondale chose Ms.
  Ferraro because of pressure from women's groups. Sounds like a put down of the Italian-American, Catholic and size 7 shoe lobbies....
• YOUR NEW OFFICIAL TAX FORM 1. Enter your social security numbe
  ___-__-____ 2. How much money did you make last year?...
• Syadov walks into the Moscow health clinic and asks to see an ear-and-eye doctor.
  The nurse explains to him that there isn't a specialist in those two areas at the clinic, but tells him that they have an eye-doctor AND an ear, nose, and throat man....